The film scanner.
Alain Fisch (cameraman).
29th Tels Quels LGBT Movie festival.
Gabrielle is 50 years old, she was born a boy. She decided to become a woman in 2005. And now all the transformations and surgeries are over. There is no longer room for hesitation, she must now fully assume the situation. Bruno became Gabrielle and will remain like this.
She chosen a clear gender while, personally, she felt and still feels within the inter-gender, as she says: "My cursor is in the middle".
But our societies -- if they sometimes “tolerate” the change of sexual attraction --, cannot, under any circumstances, live with the lack of definition. The latter make them feel even more insecure than by accepting the homosexuality and its consequences. We must stay within the norm.
Thus, aware of this inability to maintain her particularity, Gabrielle courageously and radically made her choice. And far from complaining, as might be expected from her and despite this fighting course she faced for the last 10 years, she mostly wants to show all the richness thereof.
Far from the “convenient” portrait of all sufferings and sacrifices... Gabrielle advocates for the pleasure to be who she is while defending what is so special about her.
As an obverse, she claims victory on herself and on others too. Those who criticize, those who reject, those who are against her, those who turn their back and sometimes turn their back on themselves... go figure! She wants to show that she won. Where people told her that there would only be suffering and sacrifices, she claims rejoicing and fullness.
As a conqueror, she discovers this other planet. Such as "a small prince(ss)" who wants to keep it all and also have everything else. Driven by an inner voice that says, "Don’t be afraid, keep going ..."
She started a blank page, but not a page that draws a line under the past, but rather one that integrates the new Gabrielle.
She sees it as a plus: I was a man (and I keep that part of me), I'm a woman and I discover this continent with my “male” memories. I am more and more ... nothing is taken away.
It is through her life, her choices, her conquests, her freedoms and also through her daily life with all its variations that we will discover Gabrielle’s strength and pride. With all her contradictions, and her victories in particular. She is not doubting, she has no regrets, is not expecting anything, she opens her arms to all her new assets without letting anything go.
She wants to be beautiful, feminine, wearing skirts because that's what she felt was obvious, and also claim the freedom to explore everything and keep everything.
One should feel no pity for Gabrielle, but rather envy her.
Coz’ she is ahead of us, Gabrielle: on women, as while being a full woman, she also keeps the male understanding in her. As a “plus” this time, not as an opposition. Nothing from the male world is forbidden to her, she knows it all... On men as well, because she can be a woman without cheating, without having to, at some point, remove her make-up and disguise.
She discovers that she could very well be the unlikely connection between these two genders which fight one against the other without understanding each other. And that gives her her wings.
So she dares.
Dares to become a stylist, while remaining a computer engineer. Dares polishing her nails without forgetting the motorcycles and cars races. Dares running free while wearing a skirt she designed, with a footwear of 11.
Dares writing, draw, photographing, touching upon all kinds of expressions without any prejudice, with so many things to express, say, share.
Dares to dare...
without any ostentation (she is not a crossdresser), without any shame and with generosity...
Of course she has to pays the price: the looks, the disapprovals, the insults, the misunderstandings, the family that flees, the children who repudiate her... and all the battles to fight for others who are searching for themselves.
She also discovers what it means to be a "Women" and its constraints. She discovers the utmost loneliness of special people. But nothing scares her because she has now reached the harvesting time, and she left behind the time of doubts and suffering...
This is what she would like to say to her reflection in the mirror: I am finally me, I won!
This journey to take ownership of her new assets, in the discovery of her new fields of expression, in her confrontation with others, and also her fight for her and for the others, this is the journey I suggest we take together.
Bernadette Saint-Remi. December 2013.